Life is such a journey and it is all in how we embrace that journey that determines our "present" state of mind...
What a journey this has been the last nearly five years. I have been to countless doctors, my family, friends and I have cried seas of tears due to some very devastating diagnosis' that we have all had to endure on this path.
Along this road my life has been touched and continues to be touched by countless folks filled with their own heartwarming and sad stories of personal trials and illnesses. I love you all, I hold you so tight in my heart...no wonder it hurts so often! There is no doubt your lives have had a permanent effect on mine.
I am so thankful to my Lord and Master for all he has given me! Each new day a blessing in itself to be embraced; without having been thrust onto this path I never would have learned all I have.
Our one daughter echos she will not accept anything new until she has proof, I can't say that I blame her as this journey has had such profound lasting effect on all of us in so many different ways. For myself I see this as the light that is illuminating my road, finally pieces of the puzzle coming together and a picture laid out before us; a picture for all to see. This journey is not just for me but for everyone that is on it with me....you are reading this well then you are part of this journey!
I am very much aware of my outer appearance...OK, yes, I am a bit obsessive when it comes to not going out of our home with my makeup and hair not done...I even do my hair when I am going to have it colored or cut! Some of us go to great lengths as to lie about our age (no I don't do that and never have!) as I sit here and type this I think to myself I am proud to be 50, I am proud to wear the wrinkles; no I don't want to be younger because where I sit today...well I have experienced so much in life...that I am proud of who I have become, the years of living and experiencing life, the very place today that I have evolved to, the wisdom and knowledge learned; yes, all necessary in forming the woman I am this very moment!
I am proud that I love myself enough that I have had the insight to pursue my nagging internal voice that something was not right! I cannot count the times on this nearly five year journey that I have had doctors (and there have been many!) tell me I have anxiety, that all I am experiencing is stress, that I don't require the tests I am requesting....That I really ought to think of consulting with a psychiatrist! How absurd!
I have learned I have the right to FIRE my doctors...that yes indeed; THEY WHO WORK FOR ME...and if I am doing a BETTER JOB than they are...well something is wrong with the picture. That it is today not only possible, but also necessary to be able to work side by side with your health care professional to a degree so that you get the best optimal care available. It is OK to ask questions and pursue avenues necessary to get answers and/or tests we so deserve.
There definitely are some wonderful doctors out there; doctors that take the time to go to the "blackboard" and write the patients physical complaints and scrutinize from there what is going on with their patient...those are the ones that don't just stick with the textbook illnesses...they are willing to go the extra mile or two or four or whatever it might take. They look at the entire patient, the LISTEN....I do believe as patients we have an obligation to ourselves to monitor our progress and make notes and charts of changes we experience so that we are aware of how the medications and/or treatments are effecting us. Had I done this earlier with the Comtan I would have seen the change sooner!
I would be a liar if I said this road has so far been easy...no not at all, and for sure it has had some very large boulders along the path...but for the most part I continue to move forward, stumbling at times, yet persevering forward! My road is not yet finished, no not for a long time...
I smile today and seriously consider renaming this blog Metamorphism of Btrflynana...
God bless you all and Thank You Lord for all today holds for each and every one of us!!!