The Best of the Best

I hadn't been to see my LLMD since the beginning of November...I missed my December appointment. In my defense there has been a lot going on in our lives the last few months. I honestly felt my medical issues could wait.

WRONG!

I am learning that this battle needs to take precedence on on levels. That for me is often difficult to do! It's easier to ignore the "special" dietary needs that come into play when one has Lyme. I have found that eating healthier and avoiding carbs and sugars takes a lot of mind energy for me. Especially when I am a stress eater...and Lord knows we have had a lot of stress going on! I am learning that I can't push my body like I always have. It will no longer let me. I am learning that the meds and supplements are key factors in this fight along with the diet!

It really has taken me a few months to process just how freaked out I was left after my husband had his grand mall seizure! More freaked when his neurologist turned to me, looked me square in the eyes and said " With the type of seizures he has they can kill him! They can stop his heart!" Right away I went out and bought walkie-talkies. Rationalizing that if I could not be right next to him I at least would know where he was at all times! I have been so worried that I won't even allow myself to go to bed earlier than him; for fear he might be downstairs and have a seizure and I won't hear him!

We also have had financial struggles. It's tough when you are used to that second income and then poof its gone. (I know almost all of America is in the same boat...our country is in sad shape; there can be no doubt about that!) However, for me this was another reason I had not been to see my LLMD. I felt we could not afford the office visits. I am fortunate to have medical insurance; however, my LLMD does not bill them. So I have to pay up front for my visits and then submit to our insurance for payment. So I made the decision to "hold off" on the December appointment.

I have been struggling. In every area of my life. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.

Physically...my Lyme feels in of control. I am in constant pain. My feet shuffle more than they were. They had improved until recently. My hands feel swollen and stiff. Its hard to just turn the door handle to enter our home. Lifting my legs to dress takes a lot of thought. I have little or no energy. I am exhausted just walking up our stairs. About a month ago I had what I dubbed the "episode" where I had tremors in both arms and hands, my walking was off, talking was off...I was a mess for several hours!

Mentally...I can't find my desk! No matter how often I clean it! I can't seem to figure out exactly where all this paper is generating from!! I often don't recall conversations...I am only 51 yet I have to write everything down...or I will forget. Who called? What was the conversation?? Did I take my meds? Now this has been a biggie...I miss often a lot of meds and supplements! Not wise when one has Lyme...That's just giving the little buggers open contracts to rebuild strength! And at whose expense? MINE!!

Emotionally...I cry easy lately, and I am so irritable...are you shaking your head and saying "your depressed!" Yeah I think there is a little of that going on in there someplace! Anger too! I am tired of being sick. Tired of our life revolving around both of us not being well. Tired of being Tired!

What I realize is I have given up "my control" my "positive attitude" It had been coming on for a while. It crept up slowly and then BAM, BAM before I knew it...I was off protocol more than I was on! Even my weight increased up a bit...now if that isn't a dead give-away that something is up! LOL

After my visit with my LLMD yesterday I feel emotionally so much better! My BF Marla said to me " Every time you go to your LLMD he/she seems to renew your spirit" she continued on "You come back not feeling judged at all, but cared about and refocused"

Marla was right.

I didn't think my LLMD would work with me on any of my issues. I was wrong. I thought he/she would tell me I was making this difficult. I was wrong. I thought he/she would throw in the towel. I was wrong again. I guess this non-trust is the result from seeing so many different doctors and loosing trust. I was wrong. If I am to get well I have to remember (and this is crucial) that my LLMD and I are on the same "team" we are working together for a common goal; which is? My healing. My total healing!

I walked out with a new Rx plan and a refocused eating plan. I also felt (and always have) that this doctor genuinely cared about me. Not just my illness, but every part of my life. He/she let me know that. I was told that everything hubby and I are going through is so important to my getting well.

It is all entwined together. If we are to get well we have to work with ALL areas of our life. We have to be open also with those that care for us to include them. That way they understand the entire picture of where we are. Mindset and physical...they do so go together!

At times I may have to wait several hours to get in for my appointment; however, I am thankful for a LLMD who is not rushed with me when I come in. An LLMD who takes the time to listen and who lets me know honestly his/her concerns for me. This also resonates with the office staff too. They smile and welcome you openly. I don't care that I have to drive nearly 2 hours to get to my appointment. I told my LLMD yesterday as far as I am concerned I have the best of the best.

I am refocused and up to battle...I have my troops regrouped and we are ready...no matter how hard the fight is...and right now its pretty tough. I am reminded over and over again that Lyme Disease is a roller coaster ride. That you have days where you feel rejuvenated and days where you are totally spent and depleted!

Once again...I might be depleted but I am not defeated!!

PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT

I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL

TO SIT DOWN AND TAKE THE TIME

TO VIEW THIS LINK


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ALgOikmjCw

IT JUST MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE

OR THE LIFE OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE

Embrace Today For All It Is!!

The New Year is certainly underway! It never ceases to amaze me lately just how overwhelmed our life is!

I have found myself doing a lot of soul searching...pondering over and over about this "life journey" hubby and I are on! I always thought after his accident nearly 12 years ago that we had been dealt in life all the worst it would give...It was a miracle the man survived a two story fall landing him smack dab into concrete with a traumatic brain injury and multiple broken bones.

obviously not so!

Whoever would have thought I would get ill with Lyme Disease? Not me!

In the past 6 years since the Lyme "journey" began everything has been turned upside down. I have been forced to learn on my own much about so many different illnesses that I was told I had; yet did not!

The upside has been all the wonderful people our lives have been touched by. It is amazing that in this world so many have been so kind and caring. I often say that God allows us to experience his love and embrace through those he sends our way!

As the New Year approached hubby and I faced yet another fork in our road. His grand mall seizure that hit in November. Only to be told this last week that a tremendous amount of scar tissue in his brain is to be blamed.

My husband is so much of my world. I can't imagine life without him. When the neurologist informed us both this week that his seizures could take his life...well I went into emotional overload. Once again fear has set in and my nervous system is on guard. Constantly watching every move this poor man makes.

He is so loving and gentle this man of mine. Reassuring me constantly that when our time is up its up. He is OK with where he is at in life with this. My reply...I AM NOT!!

In the past 6 years on numerous occasions we have had to endure many different diagnosis with me that were life threatening...only to find out they were misdiagnoses! OK so Lyme is not the cream of the crop on diseases to have either!

For hubby there can be no denying the EEG and CAT Scan...The scare tissue is there in full view on his brain where he sustained his worst part of the fall.

How much bad luck can two people under the same roof have? I have done all the rationalization about this...i know we are good people. We help family out, neighbors, shoot we don't steal or cheat anyone... a friend said to me "Your hubby cheated death 12 years ago" There can be no denying he is the recipient of a Miracle!

I believe that we are not created for this world. We are created to be with our Lord Jesus...yet in my humanness I am not ready for either of us to part this world. I have a vision of us growing very old together. Yet I am quickly reminded that life is not on my terms. We don't get the final say.

God does.

Yet in my humanness I have been pleading...Please Lord...I so want to grow old together. OK so you might be shaking your head and saying "Karen, your husband isn't dead!" I know this. But when the neurologist turned and said these types of seizures are dangerous as they are violent and can provoke a heart attack...that he could die. That I have to call 911 immediately whenever he has seizure...Fear took over. I have been on high alert ever since!

Tonight I am calmer. I realize we all have a date. I could walk out the door tomorrow and be hit by car or some other freak accident. I also am reminded how precious each and every day together is. I so Love my husband. Did you know we are high school sweethearts?

No matter what journey your life has been put on...embrace today for all it is.

As this saying Goes LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST... I know I intend to... Lyme Disease, seizures and all!